alternate meanings for various words

The Washington Post published a contest for readers in which they
were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The
following were some of the winning entries.

· Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

· Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have
gained.

· Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat
stomach.

· Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

· Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

· Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you
absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

· Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

· Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

· Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after
you are run over by a steamroller.

· Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

· Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

· Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
proctologist immediately before he examines you.

· Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddish expressions.

· Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

· Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul
goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

· Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist